that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How naked do you want me to be?
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