I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
