At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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