Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
