I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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