# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
