DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
