I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
