the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
