CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
