would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How does one acquire holy water?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
