M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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