Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
