It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
