3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
