physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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