Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
