trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
