Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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