You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
