help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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