drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
