Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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