I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
