While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
