when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize