its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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