I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
