I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
