A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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