Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
