I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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