Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
