after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
