long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
