Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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