You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
