I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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