If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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