I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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