hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
