I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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