i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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