dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
