I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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