She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
