I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
