i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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