i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
