Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I will die if light touches me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
