Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
