TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
