just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
