there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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