This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
