I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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