k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He felt like a one man threesome
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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