In the future we'll all be gay
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
