all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
