Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
