Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
