i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
love makes seman taste better
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize