Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
