I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
