Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
