i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
