I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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