Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
